Back on track!!!

Its been a month now since I quit my job! The break has worked like a miracle! I finally feel that I've regrouped myself!End of the quarter life crisis, end of frustrating times!!! The start of a new beginning! My confidence is back and the diminishing goals have started expanding again! Now, once again, the brain doesn't seem to depend on the heart for answers :) Well, I've accepted a job offer and am really feeling excited about it. The change though welcome, is still very mysterious. A few months back, I was like a rudderless ship in turbulent waters. I still remember the sleepless nights, the depression, the lack of confidence and the push-over attitude as a result. Though psychologists find it to be perfectly normal, its still hard to believe how a person can deviate so much from one's own self during the transition from early adulthood to maturity! You start questioning about your existence, your mind starts getting pulled in different directions, you lose track of your priorities in life, in short, you lose focus completely! The longer the struggle, the more frustrating it is! Luckily for me, the struggle has ended quickly. The attitude has changed and I'm no longer a push-over! Well, I'll enjoy a week long vacation at home starting tomorrow, before joining work :)

Quarter life crisis???

Well, there's been a lot happening in the last few days. I came back from Goa at the start of this month after my sis' wedding. Got back to work immediately, just found myself too disturbed and out of place! Although, I'd worked hard in office before, I just did not feel like continuing. I remember, there have been times when I've stayed in office due to work for 3-4 days without going home, and still enjoyed work. And all of a sudden, I feel I've lost focus and am heading nowhere. I was feeling totally exhausted and drained out, to a point where I thought I could no longer continue. So one fine monday morning, I tell my boss that I want to quit. Well, to be frank, the decision wasn't taken in a spur of a moment. I was long contemplating it, but had no concrete alternative plans (I still don't have any). I thought that would give me some peace of mind. But peace of mind still remains elusive...

I answered a couple of interviews after quitting. In one of them, did not match the interviewer's expectations (mind you answering 3 gruelling interviews in that frame of mind was really difficult), in the other, the company could not match my expected salary. I've already made up my mind to take up a job only if the work to salary ratio is proportional. I've attracted a lot of criticism from friends and family members alike, for resigning from my job. Though, they may have good intentions, I'd still do what I feel is right. If I don't find a job I expect, then I'm probably incompetent in my current field and should explore a different career option. Ofcourse, I'm actually fed up of the IT industry and don't intend remaining in this industry for long. But if not this then what? I've started feeling increasingly uncertain about my future and yet adventurous. Is this what people call "Quarter life crisis"?

Games memories play!!!

Nothing is permanent in life, the only permanent thing is change!!! I certainly do believe in this statement! In addition, you also have some memories, which remain permanently hidden in some unknown location of your subconscious mind. However hard you might try, you can never get them out of their place! The strangest thing however about memories and me, is that its the bad memories I would always want to remember, but would want to forget the good ones! Not that I don't cherish the good memories, but as soon as I come back to the present, I start yearning for those old days, hoping that history will repeat, making my present sad and gloomy!!! Bad memories, though traumatic experiences, make you learn from mistakes, leaving you with a good chance of making the best out of the present! How nice it would have been, if I was able to selectively keep memories in my mind, getting rid of those which affect my present!!!

Thoughts of an insipid mind!

Sometimes I wonder what makes some people more enthusiastic than others about certain things. Enthusiasm is a very different thing from passion and I would not like to talk about the things one is passionate about! Is it an urge to get something done which drives the first category of people? Or is it because of some incentive? Or is it because of some obligation imposed by some other person? This question has always puzzled me. I admit, I belong to the second category of people. I am almost always unenthusiastic about anything. I certainly don't like to do things which I am not interested in...

As a child, I'd always hated studies! Except for mathematics, I don't remember having opened any book, except on the eve of the exam day. And when forcefully made to study, under the obligation of passing the exam, I would try to read a few pages, but would all asleep within no time! If not asleep, then the mind would wander around to some far away place. Luckily, my academic record was not so poor, and I managed to successfully carry this attitude through, although, with a steady decrease in performance. Having said this, I've observed other people, who though not interested in a particular subject, have still successfully managed to study it. How they managed to motivate themselves is still a mystery to me. Ofcourse, competition is one factor which has the potential to motivate people. I have actually seen myself self motivated during competition. But as soon as I entered college, the feeling of competition was lost. I've never found a way to regain the feeling of competition in any field. Can it be because I made some wrong choice somewhere? Or is it something to do with work life? Or something to do with social life? Or is it a combination of the above? Or is it because of some other unknown reason? These are some questions definitely worth pondering on...

Where am I heading?

Well, its been almost two weeks in Chennai now! Can't remember of having done something significant other than work. Its been a boring and tiring stay so far with nothing other than work, even on weekends. Thought I would meet some friends while in Chennai. I still remember the good old days spent with them. But all plans washed out! Next week should hopefully be a much better one. Well, time to doze off now! Have to wake up early tomorrow and hurry towards office :(

A memorable bus trip!

Its 5 pm on a friday evening! I pack my laptop, take out my bike and rush to my flat in Bangalore! Have a bus to Goa at 6:30pm. After a tiring week at office, it feels really good to go home! Home sweet home! The place where I can always look to when I find lost in this hostile world!!! After a 5 minutes ride, I start packing my bags. I stuff the whole lot of unwashed clothes in my bag. Fill another one with other essential things, and hurriedly leave the flat! Luckily, find an auto-rickshaw just below my flat. "120 Rs", says the auto-wallah. Having little time to argue, I just jump into the auto. "I'll not give you a penny more than the fare shown by the meter", I say stubbornly. "Kya saab, petrol badh gaya hai! Chai ka daam bhi badh gaya hai! Give me 20Rs more than the meter fare". I agree to give him 10Rs more than the fare...

I reach the bus stop at 6:15pm. I've learnt my lessons the hard way as far as travelling is concerned. I make it a point to reach the bus stop/airport well in advance. I head straight to my window seat, and make myself comfortable. The dude sitting next to me was quite friendly! He was basically a tourist from the UK, who was on a short trip to India. Wait a minute! Who is the girl in the seat just before me? To my utter surprise, she is a good friend! A friend on whom I had a secret crush (And I still have)! And who is the monster sitting next to her? She looked to be in real discomfort with the seemingly ungentlemanly person! I ask the man if he would mind swapping places with me! "This is my seat. I don't like seating behind." Then I request the dude sitting next to me to swap places with my friend. Understanding the situation, the gentleman quickly agreed. So I offer the window seat to my friend. And there we start talking endless stories. But alas, just like Einstein mentions, "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute." This certainly seemed true. The bus came to a halt. Time for dinner. So we head to the hotel for a quick dinner. I decide to tell her about my feelings towards her. Its now or never! So post dinner, I just think about how to bring out the topic! And suddenly, she asks me, "Didn't u find any chick here?". I just say! "Not yet". "Didn't you have a crush on someone?" She continued. Now is the time I thought. "Had a couple of crushes. In fact I had a crush on you". I just didn't know what to expect. But the friendly person that she is, she just smiles. "When?" "Since college!!!". Not knowing whether to proceed or not, I just keep quite for a minute or so! Then I ask her about her crushes! This should make the discussion a bit easier I thought! "A few crushes here and there. But never beyond a few days!!". Finally, gathering up some courage, I say, "I still have a crush on you! Do you like me?" There is silence now! I don't know whether it was the right time to tell her. I take my eyes off her! And just start staring at the back of the seat before me. This can certainly be thought of as the most boring way to propose to any girl! Then suddenly she says! "Why did you take so long to say that?". And she just rests her head on my shoulder. And all of a sudden, I was flying! From where did this come? Did I actually propose to her? I could never muster enough courage in the past two years! I always feared that I might lose a good friend. This is proving to be a wonderful day! Looks like the stars are pleased with me for some unknown reason! Or maybe there was a mistake! As I turned to look at her again, she is already fast asleep, resting happily on my shoulder. And I try my best not to move! However, its really difficult to win against sleep. Especially when you don't want to sleep! And before I could realize, I fell asleep...

"Wake up dude", I hear a sound! Its Shivram, getting ready for office! "Its already 10 am. Boss will start shouting!" I wake up steadily, realizing its a monday morning! Friday evening is still another 5 days away! Time for office!!! Same old routine. I lazily ready myself before heading to office!!!