Dealing with change

Change is the only thing in the world which is permanent! Whether you like it or not, change is inevitable. And for most people like me, who are too lazy to work hard towards their goal, the goals revolve around the new roles assigned to them by change. I can still recount how my goals have kept changing since childhood. And I don't remember which was the last goal achieved (if any), be it regarding personal, career or relationships. Some people measure success in life with the number of goals achieved. I would rather measure success in the way people adapt to changes. There are times when I've found myself clueless, often when fate shows an unexpected number on the dice. One of such situations took me more than a year to react. And by the time I did react, I had already missed the train! That was one of the biggest lessons learnt in life. Never delay your actions. Opportunities do come knocking at your door. It might not be your priority at that instant, but might suddenly become your top priority. And before you realise it, its gone... So the point is, always be receptive to change. Never ignore things in life, no matter how small they are, even though they might be not related to your current goal in any way.

Back on track!!!

Its been a month now since I quit my job! The break has worked like a miracle! I finally feel that I've regrouped myself!End of the quarter life crisis, end of frustrating times!!! The start of a new beginning! My confidence is back and the diminishing goals have started expanding again! Now, once again, the brain doesn't seem to depend on the heart for answers :) Well, I've accepted a job offer and am really feeling excited about it. The change though welcome, is still very mysterious. A few months back, I was like a rudderless ship in turbulent waters. I still remember the sleepless nights, the depression, the lack of confidence and the push-over attitude as a result. Though psychologists find it to be perfectly normal, its still hard to believe how a person can deviate so much from one's own self during the transition from early adulthood to maturity! You start questioning about your existence, your mind starts getting pulled in different directions, you lose track of your priorities in life, in short, you lose focus completely! The longer the struggle, the more frustrating it is! Luckily for me, the struggle has ended quickly. The attitude has changed and I'm no longer a push-over! Well, I'll enjoy a week long vacation at home starting tomorrow, before joining work :)

Quarter life crisis???

Well, there's been a lot happening in the last few days. I came back from Goa at the start of this month after my sis' wedding. Got back to work immediately, just found myself too disturbed and out of place! Although, I'd worked hard in office before, I just did not feel like continuing. I remember, there have been times when I've stayed in office due to work for 3-4 days without going home, and still enjoyed work. And all of a sudden, I feel I've lost focus and am heading nowhere. I was feeling totally exhausted and drained out, to a point where I thought I could no longer continue. So one fine monday morning, I tell my boss that I want to quit. Well, to be frank, the decision wasn't taken in a spur of a moment. I was long contemplating it, but had no concrete alternative plans (I still don't have any). I thought that would give me some peace of mind. But peace of mind still remains elusive...

I answered a couple of interviews after quitting. In one of them, did not match the interviewer's expectations (mind you answering 3 gruelling interviews in that frame of mind was really difficult), in the other, the company could not match my expected salary. I've already made up my mind to take up a job only if the work to salary ratio is proportional. I've attracted a lot of criticism from friends and family members alike, for resigning from my job. Though, they may have good intentions, I'd still do what I feel is right. If I don't find a job I expect, then I'm probably incompetent in my current field and should explore a different career option. Ofcourse, I'm actually fed up of the IT industry and don't intend remaining in this industry for long. But if not this then what? I've started feeling increasingly uncertain about my future and yet adventurous. Is this what people call "Quarter life crisis"?

Thoughts of an insipid mind!

Sometimes I wonder what makes some people more enthusiastic than others about certain things. Enthusiasm is a very different thing from passion and I would not like to talk about the things one is passionate about! Is it an urge to get something done which drives the first category of people? Or is it because of some incentive? Or is it because of some obligation imposed by some other person? This question has always puzzled me. I admit, I belong to the second category of people. I am almost always unenthusiastic about anything. I certainly don't like to do things which I am not interested in...

As a child, I'd always hated studies! Except for mathematics, I don't remember having opened any book, except on the eve of the exam day. And when forcefully made to study, under the obligation of passing the exam, I would try to read a few pages, but would all asleep within no time! If not asleep, then the mind would wander around to some far away place. Luckily, my academic record was not so poor, and I managed to successfully carry this attitude through, although, with a steady decrease in performance. Having said this, I've observed other people, who though not interested in a particular subject, have still successfully managed to study it. How they managed to motivate themselves is still a mystery to me. Ofcourse, competition is one factor which has the potential to motivate people. I have actually seen myself self motivated during competition. But as soon as I entered college, the feeling of competition was lost. I've never found a way to regain the feeling of competition in any field. Can it be because I made some wrong choice somewhere? Or is it something to do with work life? Or something to do with social life? Or is it a combination of the above? Or is it because of some other unknown reason? These are some questions definitely worth pondering on...

Where am I heading?

Well, its been almost two weeks in Chennai now! Can't remember of having done something significant other than work. Its been a boring and tiring stay so far with nothing other than work, even on weekends. Thought I would meet some friends while in Chennai. I still remember the good old days spent with them. But all plans washed out! Next week should hopefully be a much better one. Well, time to doze off now! Have to wake up early tomorrow and hurry towards office :(

Weekend??

Thank God its Friday, is a phrase used quite frequently, especially software professionals. After all the preoccupation with work for 5 days, its time to relax and enjoy! However, the way I spent this weekend makes me think otherwise!!! Whether its because of lack of planning or some other factor is hard to tell. Got up early morning on Saturday (Trust me, 8.am is really early), dropped my friend to the airport and suddenly I realize I'm running short of ideas to spend the weekend.
Well, this has never happened to me before. So I take out a book and start reading. Its been hardly 15 minutes of reading when I realize I have to hunt for a new place to stay! Supposed to vacate our current flat at the end of this month. So I take my bike out, and set out on a wild goose chase! I had no intentions of hunting for a new place, so no effort made in this respect. After loafing around on the Bangalore streets, I finally have lunch and come back to the flat. Sit idly for about an hour then head straight to office. Office? on a weekend? I was never a workaholic. Well, atleast I can surf the net. And thus, I spent the entire evening in office, doing nothing! Nothing at all!!! Came back at night, watched TV till midnight, but wasn't getting any sleep! Nor was in a mood to read. So just lie down, waiting for the sleep Gods to be pleased. Fortunately, they were helpful and responded soon. The next day I hoped should be better. I get up at 10.30 and decide to indulge in my favorite activity! Take my bike, go on a long ride, not knowing where to go! Just follow the road, take a random direction at a junction, take a tea break at a tea shop and move on!!! Finally after travelling around 80-100 km, I reach back to the flat and again go back to office :( in the evening, this time with a genuine intention to work (Not really). I just play some online games for about half an hour. Then I find a friend online on gtalk. A friend whom I always enjoy chatting with :) Well thats it! The evening ended
with chatting. After dinner, I head to office again, this time with Shivam and Roshan, both of whom, currently loaded with work. And what do I do? Just give them company and chat again!!! And finally decide to write this! To remind me to plan things, to avoid boring times :) After all, boredom is a really nasty bug!!!

Addiction to work or procrastination???

Well friends, its been a very long time since the last post! Obvious excuse is a lack of time! Although that's a blatant lie, I don't generally enjoy lying, so let me confess. Laziness has become an integral part of me and I'm finding it hard to part with it. Hey, wait a minute, what is this post supposed to be about? I couldn't think of a title which would justify the following, so I just stuck to one which would sound less harsh...

I've been in the office from 10am to 3am ie 17 hours today! Let me reflect on what I've done in those hours... Well, here is the work flow. Check my mails, go out for tea, check my mails (this time obviously no mails to reply to), start working for about an hour, spend some time in the restroom, go out for tea, browse the internet, work for another hour or so, have lunch (a late lunch), go out for tea, work for another half an hour, browse the internet, then work for another half an hour. Its dinner time by now. So I go out and have dinner. Then I don't feel sleepy, so come back to office, work for another half an hour (work is almost done, but not yet complete), browse the internet. Finally, at about 2am, I decide to finish whatever is left (hardly 1-2 min job). Then start the orkut business! Eventually, tired of orkut, I think of posting this piece of gibberish!!! If you have taken the trouble to read so far, then take some more to leave your comments, giving me and other like minded people some advice on how to rid oneself of this dangerous habit. I'll try my best not to repeat this thing. Bye for now.

Height of absent-mindedness

What am I doing still in Bangalore? I was supposed to be in Goa by yesterday evening. Did I say I missed my flight? Well, friends close to me will say nothing new! This one is a totally irresponsible and absent minded guy is what they'll say to themselves. And why not? I have done that before too.

Yesterday, I had a flight to Goa at 14:30 hrs. What do I do? I leave by 13:20 from my flat, about 25 kms from the Bangalore airport, get into an auto at about 13:25. On time I thought! But alas, the auto simply doesnt seem to cross 30 kmph on a lonely Bangalore road. Lonely, compared to the standards associated with Bangalore!!! Finally, I make it to the airport. As I didn't have any check-in baggage, I thought I would finally make it. I reach the boarding counter at 14:15 and is nicely greeted by the lady there! Then all of a sudden, she says, 'Sorry sir, all seats filled up!' Then what do I do? I meet the airlines supervisor, and take out my entire frustration on her :( 'I have a valid ticket. The receptionist at the boarding counter says all seats filled. Do you mean to say you have given my seat to somebody else? How on earth can you do that?' The lady just listens patiently and even though I was on the verge of shouting, manages to keep her cool and is very polite. 'I understand sir, that there might be some problems due to which you couldn't make it 30 minutes prior to the departure. But I'm extremely sorry, we cannot make any adjustments now and let you board the plane. But as a special case, we can reschedule your flight for tomorrow. However, you will have to pay the difference in the fare as an additional charge'. Frustration had already gotten the better of me by this time. After a lot of argument with another supervisor, I just ask for a refund. 'You will get only the taxes as a refund', is his final say. Well, I wasn't feeling well that day. Was feeling a bit feverish in the morning and also a bit of nausea. So I go back to my flat after that and have a good nap. And its after the nap that I suddenly realized how wrong I was. There was absolutely no need for me to take my frustration on the airlines staff! I couldn't make it on time and it was totally my mistake. Well, I've another flight in about 2.5 hrs from now. I'll see if I get a chance to apologize to the airlines staff today...

As I've said earlier, my misery with flights is not a new thing at all! About two months back, I went to the airport 23 hrs after my flight's scheduled departure. But as we all know, today can't be yesterday, and I decided to take a bus to Bangalore. That time, I had nothing to say, even for the sake of an argument ;) In another separate incident, I had a bus ticket from Chennai to Bangalore. In this one, I just forget my ticket at the place of residence and reach the Chennai Mofussil bus stand. The gentleman at the KSRTC booking counter was not as gentle as I expected and simply refused to help me. I had to buy another ticket to be able to travel. After all, absent mindedness, has a price to pay!!! Nevertheless, I still believe the gentleman could have acccepted a valid photo Id proof and let me travel, without additional charge as the booking counter was computerized and had the details of the passengers stored...


Ok, its time for me to leave. I don't want to miss today's flight. Hope to catch you soon...

Welcome to my world

Hi! This is my first post here, so let me introduce myself. I'm a very handsome, tall, dark, intelligent man with a charismatic personality. Oops, was I talking about myself??? Well, a pretty ordinary looking confused guy with average intelligence and a weird sense of humour is what I am. A software engineer by profession, I am basically a jack of all trades! My interests range from reading, playing chess, cricket, programming, biking and yes, how can I forget orkutting? Accordingly, my posts can also be related to almost anything in this universe. A word of caution! The posts can get too weird and nonsensical, so read at your own risk!!!

Well, this was just an introductory post and I don't want to turn you off after the very first post. So time to say goodbye for now... Hope to catch you soon :)